
During last week’s lecture regarding the development of interpersonal relationships, I found myself relating to the relational development stages, and realizing just how accurate the different stages are. Along with my personal experiences of failed and successful relationships, I quickly remembered an independent film I had watched a few months ago which was based on the development of the average relationship. The film I thought of is entitled, “Elephant Shoes”, and is basically a breakdown of the typical romantic relationship into chapters which are closely related to the stages of the relationship development perspective discussed in lecture. In the film, two strangers meet randomly, and without expecting it, form a “12-hour” love relationship, each hour representing a different chapter or stage in the relationship development. This relationship starts off casual, flourishes into a complex and serious connection, and ultimately terminates, all in the course of half a day. Although the eleven chapters are not named exactly the same as the developmental perspective stages outlined in chapter six of the textbook, Understanding Human Communication, the basic ideas of the scenes and what occurs in each hour still manage to accurately imitate them.
In the first stage of the developmental perspective, Initiating, we learned that the two people make a first impression on one another; similarly, in chapters one and two of the film, entitled “flirtation” and “awkwardness” the two characters bump into each other, introduce themselves, make their initial decisions about one another and initiate a date. In the second stage of the developmental perspective, Experimenting, the two participants make “small talk” and get to know one another more personally, this is when they decide whether or not they wish to pursue the relationship. In chapter three, “Denial”, and four, “Romance”, in the film, the two characters realize they like each other, and go on to the next level. In the third stage, Intensifying, a lot of metacommunication takes place, along with an increasing amount of time spent together. In the film’s third and fourth chapters, “Courtship” and “Jealousy”, the two find themselves interacting more openly, taking part in activities together, and talking about more personal issues. If the intensifying stage is successful, the next stage is develops, Integrating. In the integrating stage of relational development, the participants become a unit, and gain an official title. In comparison, the film’s seventh chapter “Trust” illustrates similar actions. The two come out with their feelings and become more trusting in one another. In the fifth stage of the developmental perspective, Bonding, typically the two people appear together in public and enjoy each other’s presence, this can be closely related to the eighth chapter of the film, “Commitment”, where the couple both become committed to the relationship. In both the developmental model and the film, ‘Elephant Shoes’, this is the point in which the relationship would take a turn. In the sixth stage of the developmental perspective, Differentiating, the two people want to feel independent once again, find the relationship becoming too intense, and need more time alone; similar things occur in the ninth chapter of the film, “Routine”, the couple finds themselves in a routine stage, where everything is familiar, and there is no longer the excitement they used to encounter, they grow tired of the relationship, but do not talk about it. In the seventh and eighth stages of the developmental perspective, Circumscribing and Stagnation, someone starts sectioning off themselves from the other and the two no longer have dialogue between them, similarly in chapter ten of the film, “Crossroads”, the couple find themselves both facing the decision of whether or not they want to stay in the relationship, not very much communication takes place within this chapter. Lastly, in the ninth and tenth stages of the developmental perspective, Avoiding and Terminating, one of the two people, if not both, begin avoiding the other person, and decide to ultimately end the relationship, in chapter eleven of the film, “Acceptance”, the girl leaves unexpectedly, and the man lets her, accepting the fact that the time they shared was meaningful, but had to end.
When I first saw the film, I thought the concept was very interesting and very accurate to my personal experiences. When reading chapter six of the text, and during last week’s lecture, I yet again found myself intrigued with how accurate the developmental perspective really was, which is why I immediately referred back to the film I had watched months before.
For more information on the film, visit
http://www.elephantshoesmovie.com/
Bibligography
Adler, B. Ronald and George Rodman. Understanding Human Communication. NewYork: Oxford 2006.
Elephant Shoes. Dir. Christos Sourligas. Perf. Stacey Morgan Lewis, Greg Shamie. One Man Band Films/Alliance Atlantis Vivafilm, 2006.